LILY PUFFIN by me

Lily Puffin sat on a rock,
Looking out to sea.
Her red feet stuck out
On both sides,
Her wings flapped happily.

"I am a Puffin bird," she said,
"But I strongly disagree;
That I must fly, just cause I can,
When walking pleases me."

"My red feet stretch from heel to toe.
They take me where I want to go!
And I much prefer to use them.
Than let my wings do all the work,
Carrying me here and there,
Over seas and trees and cows,
What are feet for, anyhow?"

"This year when all my Puffin chums
Fly off to warmer lands and suns;
I'll click my heels and stretch my toes,
And WALK there, following my nose."

Well, this just would not do, y0u see.
Lily Puffin's friends did not agree!

SILLY LILY! SILLY LILY!

She CAN'T fly!

That's why she says that walking is better.
She's afraid to fly, but we won't let her
Think that she can walk instead.

Birds are made to fly and glide
Up in the clouds where they can hide.
Inside and outside and upside and downside,
Behind and in back and in front of again.
What a disgrace not to be
A proud flying Puffin!

"Oh Lily!" said Hortense, her Puffin bird friend.
"Oh please Lily don't ever say that again!
That you won't fly up in the sky like we do,
Your feet were not meant to walk in a shoe.
Or go on a trip such as you want to do."

"Why, just think, Lily," Hortense began,
"If you walk all the way like you think that you can.
All the dangers that wait for a Puffin bird who,
Wants to walk on the land with red feet, like you do."

"There are creatures that eat little Puffins, and then;
There are creatures who are even bigger than them!
There are creatures who sneak through
The dark woods at night,
They can gobble you up with just one big bite!
And then there won't be a trace left of you,
If you try to do what birds shouldn't do!"

"Oh hush Hortense, really! You're being quite silly!
And to show you how wrong you all can be,
I'll fly around so you can see,
That I CAN fly, just like a bird,
Although I think that it's absurd.
Flying is silly and foolish to me,
I take my red feet and my walking
Quite seriously!"

And with that, up up in the sky Lily flew,
Until only two red feet were in view.
Around and around, she did her best trick,
She flew to the sun and then gave a kick.
And down Lily came, with a slight bow.
All the other birds yelled
"See Lily, see how,
Much more fun to fly than to walk on the ground?"

But Lily just listened to them with a frown.

"Don't you see that just cause I can do such a thing,
Doesn't mean that it makes me happily sing.
Because I don't have to
Walk or run,
I just WANT to do it, because it's such FUN!"

"Nothing you say will change my mind.
Tomorrow I'm leaving, who knows what I'll find!
Don't try to change my mind, cause it's made.
I'll be there before you, lying out in the shade
Of the old brown rock by the sea by the shore,
Thinking about my adventures galore!
Now not another word about
Silly flying flight!
I need my rest, walking is hard,
So good night!"

WELL!!

Would Lily Puffin make it?
Would Lily Puffin win?
Would something eat her on the way,
Or would she live another day?

No one seemed to think she could,
Except for Lily, she KNEW she would!

Next morning all the Puffins hid
Behind the rock where Lily lived.
To watch her leave her summer home
To follow the shore to a warmer dome.

She kicked her heels and bent her toes,
She combed her feathers and blew her nose.
She put her suitcase under her wing,
She turned and looked without saying a thing.
And waved farewell to her friend Hortense,
Who cried in the corner with sad intense.

"Now I am ready to walk all the way,
But before I leave I want to say:
I know you think that I'm a nut
Because I love to walk and strut.
But remember this, ANY bird can fly,
But none can do the same as I."

Will she do it?
Will she win?
Will Lily be there to greet her friends?

At the end of their journey
They rushed up to see
If Lily was there by the rock, by the sea.

They looked and looked, oh could it be?
Yes, yes, two red feet sticking out of the sea!
It was Lily, yes Lily, she had done what she said,
And oh, what adventures that she had led!
But now she is busy, too busy to talk,
She is teaching her Puffin friends how to walk!

Someday if you see lots of Puffins stroll by
All in a line with their heads held up high,
Go over and talk to Lily a bit,
She'll be glad to tell you about her trip!

A MINOR BIRD by Robert Frost

I have wished a bird would fly away,
And not sing by my house all day;

Have clapped my hands at him from the door
When it seemed as if I could bear no more.

The fault must partly have been in me.
The bird was not to blame for his key.

And of course there must be something wrong
In wanting to silence any song.

THE LAST WORD OF A BLUEBIRD by Robert Frost

As I went out a Crow
In a low voice said, "Oh,
I was looking for you.
How do you do?
I just came to tell you
To tell Lesley (will you?)
That her little Bluebird
Wanted me to bring word
That the north wind last night
That made the stars bright
And made ice on the trough
Almost made him cough
His tail feathers off.
He just had to fly!
But he sent her Good-by,
And said to be good,
And wear her red hood,
And look for skunk tracks
In the snow with an ax-
And do everything!
And perhaps in the spring
He would come back and sing."

PILEATED WOODPECKER

I also have a pileated woodpecker in my yard. Oh the joy! They are huge, beautiful and prehistoric looking. I'll try to get a photo of it if possible.

BLUEBIRDS IN WINTER

I have bluebirds in my yard! I didn't know they stayed here in the New England winter, but I guess they do. This photo isn't mine, but this is what they look like in case you don't know.

IMPROVE YOUR VOCABULARY AND DONATE RICE TO THE POOR

PLEASE GO TO THIS SITE: http://www.freerice.com/

AND LEARN SOME NEW WORDS AND DONATE RICE TO THE HUNGRY AT THE SAME TIME. NO GIMMICKS, THEY DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY. IT'S THE WORLD FOOD PROGRAMME. YOU'LL FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF AND SOUND A LOT SMARTER THAN YOU ARE WHEN YOU USE THE NEW WORDS YOU'VE LEARNED.

YOUTH AND OLD AGE TAKE A WALK

REMEMBER by Christina Rossetti

Remember me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land,

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

You tell me of our future that you plann'd:

Only remember me; you understand

It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile

Than that you should remember and be sad.

DEAF MARTHA by Kate Greenaway

Poor Martha is old, and her hair is turn'd grey,

And her hearing has left her for many a year;

Ten to one if she knows what it is that you say,

Though she puts her poor wither'd hand close to her ear.

I've seen naughty children run after her fast,

And cry, "Martha, run, there's a bullock so bold;"

And when she was frighten'd, - laugh at her at last,

Because she believed the sad stories they told.

I've seen others put their mouths close to her ear,

And make signs as if they had something to say;

And when she said, "Master, I'm deaf, and can't hear,"

Point at her and mock her, and scamper away.

Ah! wicked the children poor Martha to tease,

As if she had not enough else to endure:

They rather should try her affliction to ease,

And soothe a disorder that nothing can cure.

One day, when those children themselves are grown old,

And one may be deaf, and another be lame,

Perhaps they may find that some children, as bold,

May tease them, and mock them, and serve them the same.

Then, when they reflect on the days of their youth,

A faithful account will their consciences keep,

And teach them, with shame and with sorrow, the truth,

That "what a man soweth, the same shall he reap."

FULL MOON TONIGHT

That's a full moon behind all those trees up there. Quiet and spooky. And of course the moon is always BITCH. A moon poem.

THE MOON'S THE NORTH WIND'S COOKIE by Vachel Lindsay

What the little girl said

The Moon's the North Wind's cookie,

He bites it day by day,

Until there's but a rim of scraps

That crumble all away.

The South Wind is a baker

He kneads clouds in his den,

And bakes a crisp new moon that...greedy

North....Wind....eats....again!

SILVER by Walter De La Mare

Slowly, silently, now the moon

Walks the night in her silver shoon;

This way, and that, she peers, and sees

Silver fruit upon silver trees;

One by one the casements catch

Her beams beneath the silver thatch;

Couched in his kennel, like a log,

With paws of silver sleeps the dog;

From their shadowy cote the white breasts peep

Of doves in a silver-feathered sleep;

A harvest mouse goes scampering by,

With silver claws, and silver eye;

And moveless fish in the water gleam,

By silver reeds in a silver stream.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Today is Thanksgiving, hope you all enjoy your day. More than the turkey will, I'm sure. Oh, and don't drink too much, like this bird brain. Sometimes it's hard to decide where to spend Thanksgiving day; here or there, with this one or that one, go far or stay close, paper or plastic. This poem reminds me of Thanksgiving.

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that, the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

NOVEMBER by Alice Cary

The leaves are fading and falling,
The winds are rough and wild,
The birds have ceased their calling,
But let me tell you, my child,

Though day by day, as it closes,
Doth darker and colder grow,
The roots of the bright red roses
Will keep alive in the snow.

And when the winter is over,
The boughs will get new leaves,
The quail come back to the clover,
And the swallow back to the eaves.

The robin will wear on his bosom
A vest that is bright and new,
And the loveliest wayside blossom
Will shine with the sun and dew.

The leaves today are whirling,
The brooks are dry and dumb,
But let me tell you, my darling,
That spring will be sure to come.

There must be rough, cold weather,
And winds and rains so wild;
Not all good things together
Come to us here, my child.

So, when some dear joy loses
Its beauteous summer glow,
Think how the roots of the roses
Are kept alive in the snow.

FEBRUARY TWILIGHT by Sara Teasdale

I stood beside a hill
Smooth with new-laid snow,
A single star looked out
From the cold evening glow.

There was no other creature
That saw what I could see-
I stood and watched the evening star
As long as it watched me.

THE SNOWFLAKE by Walter De La Mare

Before I melt,
Come, look at me!
This lovely icy filigree!
Of a great forest
In one night
I make a wilderness
Of white:
By skyey cold
Of crystals made,
All softly, on
Your finger laid,
I pause, that you
My beauty see:
Breathe; and I vanish
Instantly.

VELVET SHOES by Elinor Wylie

Let us walk in the white snow
In a soundless space;
With footsteps quiet and slow,
At a tranquil pace,
Under veils of white lace.

I shall go shod in silk,
And you in wool,
White as a white cow's milk,
More beautiful
Than the breast of a gull.

We shall walk through the still town
In a windless peace;
We shall step upon white down,
Upon silver fleece,
Upon softer than these.

We shall walk in velvet shoes:
Wherever we go
Silence will fall like dews
On white silence below.
We shall walk in the snow.

HEY! IT'S SNOWING OUT HERE, LEMME'IN!

Winter is here in New England. I hate winter. I like looking at it from inside a warm house. However, I hate driving in it, walking in it, working in it, being in it. Why am I in it, then? Beats me. Poems about winter are nice, though.

THEN THIS MUST BE A UFO! NO IT'S JUST A REALLY BIG SPIDER

THE SPIDER AND THE FLY by Mary Howitt



"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly;
"Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy.
The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,
And I have many pretty things to show when you are there."

"O no, no," said the little fly, "to ask me is in vain

"For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."

"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;

Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the spider to the fly.

"There are pretty curtains drawn around, the sheets are fine and thin,

And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in,"

"O no, no," said the little fly, "for I've often heard it said,

They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed."

Said the cunning spider to the fly, "Dear friend, what shall I do,

To prove the warm affection I've always felt for you?

I have within my pantry good store of all that's nice;

I'm sure you're very welcome; will you please to take a slice?"

"O no, no," said the little fly, "kind sir, that cannot be;

I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see."

"Sweet creature!" said the spider, "you're witty and you're wise.

How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!

I have a little looking-glass upon my parlor shelf,

If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."

"I thank you, gentle sir, " she said, 'for what you're pleased to say,

And bidding you good morning soon, I'll call another day."

The spider turned him round about, and went into his den,

For well he knew the silly fly would soon be back again:

So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,

And set his table ready to dine upon the fly.

Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,

"Come hither, hither, pretty fly, with the pearl and silver wing:

Your robes are green and purple; there's a crest upon your head;

Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead."

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little fly,

Hearing his wily flattering words, came slowly flitting by.

With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,

Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue;

Thinking only of her crested head-poor foolish thing! At last,

Up jumped the cunning spider, and fiercely held her fast.

He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,

Within his little parlor; but she ne'er came out again!

And now, dear little children, who may this story read,

To idle, silly, flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed;

Unto an evil counselor close heart, and ear, and eye,

And take a lesson from this tale of the spider and the fly.

TO A BUTTERFLY by William Wordsworth

I've watched you now a full half hour

Self-poised upon that yellow flower;

And, little butterfly, indeed,

I know not if you sleep or feed.

How motionless!-not frozen seas

More motionless; and then,

What joy awaits you when the breeze

Hath found you out among the trees,

And calls you forth again!

This plot of orchard ground is ours,

My trees they are, my sister's flowers;

Here rest your wings, when they are weary,

Here lodge as in a sanctuary!

Come to us often, fear no wrong,

Sit near us on the bough!

We'll talk of sunshine and of song,

And summer days when we were young;

Sweet childish days that were so long

As twenty days are now.

THE BUTTERFLY'S DAY by Emily Dickinson

From cocoon forth a butterfly

As lady from her door

Emerged-a summer afternoon-

Repairing everywhere,

Without design, that I could trace,

Except to stray abroad

On miscellaneous enterprise

The clovers understood.

Her pretty parasol was seen

Contracting in a field

Where men made hay, then struggling hard

With an opposing cloud,

Where parties, phantom as herself,

To Nowhere seemed to go

In purposeless circumference,

As't were a tropic show.

And notwithstanding bee that worked,

And flower that zealous blew,

This audience of idleness

Disdained them, from the sky,

Till sundown crept, a steady tide,

And men that made the hay,

And afternoon, and butterfly,

Extinguished in its sea.

SEAL by William Jay Smith

See how he dives

From the rocks with a zoom!

See how he darts

Through his watery room

Past crabs and eels

And green seaweed,

Past fluffs of sandy

Minnow feed!

See how he swims

With a swerve and a twist,

A flip of the flipper,

A flick of the wrist!

Quicksilver-quick,

Softer than spray,

Down he plunges

And sweeps away;

Before you can think,

Before you can utter

Words like "Dill pickle"

Or "Apple butter,"

Back up he swims

Past Sting Ray and Shark,

Out with a zoom,

A whoop, a bark;

Before you can say

Whatever you wish,

He plops at your side

With a mouthful of fish!

CAN I BE YOU WHEN I GROW UP?

LONE DOG by Irene Rutherford McLeod

I'm a lean dog, a keen dog, a wild dog, and lone;

I'm a rough dog, a tough dog, hunting on my own;

I'm a bad dog, a mad dog, teasing silly sheep;

I love to sit and bay the moon, to keep fat souls from sleep.

I'll never be a lap dog, licking dirty feet,

A sleek dog, a meek dog, cringing for my meat,

Not for me the fireside, the well-filled plate,

But shut door, and sharp stone, and cuff and kick and hate.

Not for me the other dogs, running by my side,

Some have run a short while, but none of them would bide,

Oh, mine is still the lone trail, the hard trail, the best,

Wide wind, and wild stars, and hunger of the quest!

IS THAT A UFO? NO, IT'S JUST A REALLY BIG GRASSHOPPER

ON THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE CRICKET by John Keats

The poetry of earth is never dead:

When all the birds are faint with the hot sun,

And hide in cooling trees, a voice will run

From hedge to hedge about the new-mown mead:

That is the Grasshopper's - he takes the lead

In summer luxury, - he has never done

With his delights; for when tired out with fun

He rests at ease beneath some pleasant weed.

The poetry of earth is ceasing never:

On a lone winter evening, when the frost

Has wrought a silence, from the stove there shrills

The Cricket's song, in warmth increasing ever,

And seems to one in drowsiness half lost,

The Grasshopper's among some grassy hills.

ALL IS VANITY by Charles Allan Gilbert

I love this painting. Can you see the optical illusion? Charles Allan Gilbert was 18 years old when he created this.

WAKING by Katharine Pyle

I dreamed I lay in a little gray boat;
The sail above was gray;
Out, out to sea from dreamland shore
I was drifting and drifting away.

The dreamland shore was growing dim,
Though I strained my eyes to see;
And the dream-child, too, was fading away
Who had played all night with me.

The dream-child waved a shadowy hand,
And wept to see me go.
"Farewell, farewell, ," I heard a cry,
"You are going to wake, I know."

And then I saw the shore no more-
Thee were only the wind and me,
And the little gray boat, and the lonely sky,
And the soundless dreamland sea.

My boat ran up on a smooth white beach,
And faded away like smoke,
And the beach was my own little nursery bed,
And I opened my eyes and woke.

So often now when I'm going to sleep,
I wish I could find once more,
The place where the little gray boat is moored
And the dream-child plays on the shore.

But in dreamland none can choose their way,
Or find their friends again;
And the little dream-child by the dreamland sea
Will wait for me in vain.

BED IN SUMMER by Robert Louis Stevenson

In winter I get up at night
And dress by yellow candle-light.
In summer, quite the other way,
I have to go to bed by day.

I have to go to bed and see
The birds still hopping on the tree,
Or hear the grown-up people's feet
Still going past me in the street.

And does it not seem hard to you,
When all the sky is clear and blue,
And I should like so much to play,
To have to go to bed by day?

A CHILD'S THOUGHT by Robert Louis Stevenson

At seven, when I go to bed,
I find such pictures in my head:
Castles with dragons prowling round,
Gardens where magic fruits are found;
Fair ladies prisoned in a tower,
Or lost in an enchanted bower;
While gallant horsemen ride by streams
That border all this land of dreams
I find, so clearly in my head
At seven, when I go to bed.

TAKE A NAP

FLAMING JUNE by Lord Frederick Leighton

I love naps. Not 15 minute "power naps", but real full-bodied 60 minute naps. Find the sofa or chair. Set your alarm for an hour. Take 10 minutes to fall asleep, sleep for 50 minutes, then hit the snooze button for 10 more minutes to come back to reality. Nice. Better still are summer naps outside in the hammock or lounge chair. The birdies singing, the low hum of nature in your head as you drift off. No alarm needed. Peaceful, like Flaming June up there. She is BITCH.

THE LITTLE TURTLE by Vachel Lindsay

There was a little turtle.

He lived in a box.

He swam in a puddle.

He climbed on the rocks.

He snapped at a mosquito.

He snapped at a flea.

He snapped at a minnow.

And he snapped at me.

He caught the mosquito.

He caught the flea.

He caught the minnow.

But he didn't catch me.

THE HENS by Elizabeth Madox Roberts

The night was coming very fast;

It reached the gate as I ran past.

The pigeons had gone to the tower of the church

And all the hens were on their perch,

Up in the barn, and I thought I heard

A piece of a little purring word.

I stopped inside, waiting and staying,

To try to hear what the hens were saying.

They were asking something, that was plain,

Asking it over and over again.

One of them moved and turned around,

Her feathers made a ruffled sound,

A ruffled sound, like a bushful of birds,

And she said her little asking words.

She pushed her head close into her wing,

But nothing answered anything.

THE SILVER SWAN by Anonymous

The silver swan, who living had no note,

When death approached, unlocked her silent throat,

Leaning her breast against the reedy shore,

Thus sung her first and last, and sung no more:

Farewell all joys! O death, come close mine eyes;

More geese than swans now live, more fools than wise.

NATURE IS NICE

I love nature. Some poems about nature.

TREES by Joyce Kilmer

I think that I shall never see

A poem as lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is pressed

Against the earth's sweet flowing breast.

A tree that looks at God all day

And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear

A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;

Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God can make a tree.

WOODMAN, SPARE THAT TREE! by George Pope Morris

Woodman, spare that tree!

Touch not a single bough!

In youth it sheltered me,

And I'll protect it now.

'Twas my forefather's hand

That placed it near his cot;

There, woodman, let it stand,

Thy ax shall harm it not.

That old familiar tree,

Whose glory and renown

Are spread o'er land and sea-

And wouldst thou hew it down?

Woodman, forbear thy stroke!

Cut not its earth-bound ties;

Oh, spare that aged oak

Now towering to the skies!

When but an idle boy,

I sought its grateful shade;

In all their gushing joy

Here, too, my sisters played.

My mother kissed me here;

My father pressed my hand-

Forgive this foolish tear,

But let that old oak stand.

My heartstrings round thee cling,

Close as thy bark, old friend!

Here shall the wind bird sing,

And still thy branches bend.

Old tree! the storm still brave!

And, woodman, leave the spot;

While I've a hand to save,

Thy ax shall harm it not.

FILL IN THE BLANKS AS BEST YOU CAN

I hate filling out job applications, I think they are dumb and a waste of time. So I decided to make up my own application for my next job.

APPLICATION FOR YOUR NEXT LIFE

Thank you for choosing "YOUR NEXT LIFE" company. We are proud of our employees, and are constantly improving and upgrading our jobs to make your position within the company a rewarding and satisfying one. If you have any questions, comments or suggestions to make "YOUR NEXT LIFE" even better, please leave a note in the suggestion box on your way out.
HAVE A NICE LIFE!!
The Management

Please answer all questions as accurately and truthfully as possible. If you need more room for your answers, use the extra paper we have provided you.


1) Do you want to return as a:

MALE
FEMALE
OTHER* (If you chose OTHER, please explain)


2) Do you want to return as a:

HUMAN
ANIMAL* (If you chose ANIMAL, continue to Part 2B. If you chose HUMAN, continue on to question 3)

2B) Please pick an animal you would like to be. Please choose at least 3. Be aware that "DOGS & CATS" have all been filled for at least 5 lifetimes, so are not listed.

HORSE
PIG
COW
SHEEP
DONKEY
RABBIT
OTHER FARM ANIMALS* ( "Other" could include but not limited to: GOATS, CHICKENS, DUCKS, LLAMAS, TURKEYS, etc.

Please be aware that choosing any of the animals listed may mean that you could be killed and eaten at anytime, so there is no guarantee of a long "next" life)

2BB) If FARM ANIMALS aren't your thing, please choose from the following:

ELEPHANT
LION/TIGER* (this choice may also include bobcat, mountain lion)
CAMEL
BIG FOOT/SASQUATCH
BEAR* (could be: polar, brown, grizzly, panda, black, sloth)
WEASEL
WATER BUFFALO
BEAVER

MEERCAT
SKUNK
RACCOON
WOLF/COYOTE
EVERYTHING ELSE (the company will choose for you)
RARE OR ENDANGERED SPECIES* ( this choice changes by the day, so be aware that you may live for only a short time, or, if you are picked to be saved, (example-EAGLE) you may have a safe, long life. Or not.)
We cannot stress enough - any animal you choose has the potential to be killed at any time, so choose your answers wisely. NO EXCEPTIONS!!

2BBB) This section includes BIRDS-REPTILES-FISH

Do you want to return as a:

BIRD Please pick your top 5 choices. Example: Bluebird, Pelican, Crow. If you want to be a farm bird, go back to 2B.
REPTILE Please pick your top 5 choices. Example: Iguana, Monitor lizard, Python. Please include Turtle in this category.
FISH Please pick your top 5 choices. NO GOLDFISH PLEASE.

2BBBB) Do you want to return as a:

DOMESTIC ANIMAL

WILD ANIMAL

*Please be aware that this choice could include a circus, lab or zoo animal, which may cause much pain, misery and lonliness.

3) Do you want to return as a:

HETEROSEXUAL
HOMOSEXUAL
BISEXUAL
ASEXUAL
ALL OF THE ABOVE

4) Do you want to return as a:

U.S. CITIZEN - AMERICAN
EVERYTHING ELSE* (If you chose this, please explain. BE SPECIFIC!!)

5) Do you want to return as a:

WEALTHY PERSON
INTELLIGENT PERSON
BEAUTIFUL PERSON

SORRY, ONLY ONE CHOICE ALLOWED!!

6) Do you want to return as a:

MARRIED PERSON
SINGLE PERSON
DIVORCED/SEPARATED PERSON
SINGLE PERSON WITH CHILDREN
MARRIED PERSON NO CHILDREN
DIVORCED WITH CHILDREN
DIVORCED WITH CHILDREN, ALIMONY, CHILD SUPPORT
SERIAL MARRIAGES - BUT NOT MORE THAN 5 TIMES
DIVORCED MORE THAN ONCE (BUT NOT MORE THAN 5 TIMES)
*Sorry, you cannot pick how many children you would like. Numbers range from 1-16. Company policy, no exceptions.

7) Do you want to return as a:

CITY DWELLER
COUNTRY DWELLER

8) Do you want to live in a:

HOUSE
APARTMENT
CONDO
CARDBOARD BOX

9) Do you want to return as a:

GOOD, HONEST, DECENT PERSON
MEAN, LYING, DECEITFUL PERSON
(This question is included as requested by our Psychological Department)

10) Would you like to skip one or more lifetimes and wait for your first choice, or settle for another choice and return immediately?

WILL WAIT FOR MY FIRST CHOICE
WANT TO COME BACK RIGHT AWAY

11) Would you like to:

LIVE IN INTERESTING, BUT POSSIBLY DANGEROUS TIMES.
LIVE IN A BORING, SAFE, UNEVENTFUL TIME.

12) Do you want to return as a:

WHITE COLLAR/PROFESSIONAL PERSON (example-Doctor, Prostitute)
BLUE COLLAR PERSON (example-plumber, garbage collector, President)
UNEMPLOYED PERSON

13) Do you want to return as a:

INANIMATE OBJECT (example-rock, scissors, paper, plastic, smoke, oil)
ANIMATE OBJECT (example-air, water, tree)
**We realize that there is much disagreement about these two categories. For example, some say trees do not belong in this section. Or rocks for that matter. But this is our application and therefore we reserve the right to categorize as we see fit.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME, YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM US IN THE NEAR FUTURE. BE AWARE THAT WE REQUIRE A DRUG TEST FROM ALL OF OUR POTENTIAL EMPLOYEES.